Good Grief: A Guide to Healthy Healing
Both personal and universal, grief is a process unique to everyone who experiences it.
As mental health professionals, It is crucial that we adopt the understanding that there is no ‘right’ way to process difficult or dark emotions. Additionally, we must recognize in ourselves and others when coping becomes harmful, not helpful.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural reaction felt upon experiencing many kinds of loss. Sadness, anger, despair, and guilt are common yet not exclusive signs of grief. Other physical cues associated with grief include not being able to sleep and changes in appetite. Prioritizing safety and health is key to practicing healthy healing.
Many things can cause grief including:
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The death of a loved one, including pets
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Changes in your health or the health of a loved one
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Divorce or changes in a relationship, including friendships
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Losing a job or changes in financial security
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Changes in lifestyle (retirement/moving)
Myths - What's NOT true about grief
Grief is commonly experienced through five different stages: shock and denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages have varying lengths for everyone. Some may experience them in a different order or even skip over one completely. The roadmap to grieving is never clear. This makes it extremely important to remember the many myths related to grief, such as:
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You have to “be strong” to overcome grief
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Each day is just as hard as the last
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It becomes easier every day
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Not crying means you don’t care
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At some point, you have been grieving “too long”
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Moving on means forgetting
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It’s better to avoid hard feelings
How to Help Patients Practice Healthy Healing
Understand your purpose.
Your first step is to establish your role within your patient’s journey through grief. Your purpose is to guide your patient with reassurance, validation, and advice. This includes encouraging them to reach out to a support system unique to each individual that will provide a more personal approach that you cannot. Avoid bias, interactions outside the office, inconsistent methods of contact, social media connections, and sharing your own personal experiences with grief and loss. Focus on being genuine and offering unconditional positive regard towards the patient. By maintaining professional standards and establishing personal boundaries, you can ensure your patient is on a healthy path through grief.
Find their new joy.
Many who are grieving a loss, also lose love for the activities they enjoy. You can start by offering patients new ways to discover happiness and express their grief through experiences. Creative outlets like songwriting and painting may appeal to your patient if they enjoy pouring their emotions into productivity. Others may find that they enjoy using interactive mobile apps to guide their everyday life as they allow for a constant flow of communication with positive and motivational voices. Finally, for those who have experienced the death of someone whom they greatly admired, encourage them to adopt the personality traits they will miss most. This not only keeps the mind busy but carries on the personal legacy of the deceased that will be greatly missed.
Encourage self-care.
Your patients can also practice healthy healing by simply staying healthy. Self-care can take many forms including emotional and physical. Help your patient establish incremental self-care goals to make large tasks appear less intimidating. For example, advise they try and leave the house once a week to tend to their physical well-being. This can benefit them emotionally as well as they spend time with those who care about them. As they progress through their grieving journey, they can adapt their schedule to meet the growth they have made.
Recognize patients as unique individuals.
The more you speak to a patient who is grieving, the more you will understand their healing process. Some may prefer you not mention the deceased at all. Others may love speaking of old memories that make them feel closer to those they’ve lost. You will learn what is off-limits and what helps most as you do what is most important; being present and listening.
Listen more. Talk less.
Unless the person grieving prefers the opposite, try to focus on listening more than speaking. Many simply want to be heard when they are hurting. As with patients who experience anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, bereaved individuals can experience relief after having soul-bearing conversations. Take conversation slowly and allow them the time to release their pain through words.
The little things.
You may have patients who are not grieving themselves but know someone who is. You can also help these patients practice good grief by offering guidance in helping their friends and loved ones. This is where you can provide suggestions that take a personal approach. It’s not just listening and speaking that can help others feel relieved. Suggest they find time to help with daily tasks that can seem daunting to those who are grieving. Small jobs like grocery shopping, watering the flowers, going to the library, mowing the lawn, making dinner, babysitting, and cleaning the house can alleviate the pressures of everyday life felt when grieving.
